We don’t spend enough thought into processing our own feelings and understanding how they impact us, as an individual and us, as a community. I spent the early part of my life listening to authority and believing that authority was supreme. Coupling that upbringing with the struggle of emotional reservation led me to believe that feelings weren’t meant to be talked about- that what I felt or what I thought wasn’t important. And I don’t think my experience was unique to me but was, in a way, a barrier for me in creating healthy and mutual relationships- whether they were platonic, romantic or even professional. This is not an excuse for my past relationships, but certainly is a factor of my poor people skills, and I’m working on myself. For those who are anything like me, it feels better to admit when you aren’t always right and for those who aren’t like me, it’s like this cyclical imbalance in the world where we desire something but can only express it in a way that only makes sense to us. As individuals, we need to be better at thinking out loud and as a community we need to be better at being impersonal with others’ thoughts. And maybe that would help us become better communicators. Maybe we might be able to truly listen and understand.
I still struggle with this as I misread interactions or misgive signals. I don’t know if this is unique to me and humans in general where we think we know something, when in another’s reality, we don’t. Am I wrong? Have I always been wrong? Is there something I don’t know? Is it even fair to label these feelings into a box? Am I thinking too much about this or am I not thinking enough? I don’t completely understand and maybe it’ll be a while before I do. But I know that the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that there is one.
And so, the journey continues.
